Category Archives: advice

Your Best Life Now, co-starring YOU, directed by YOU

© Faithiecannoise | Dreamstime.com - Be The Director Of Your Own Life, Chase Your Dreams

© Faithiecannoise | Dreamstime.com – Be The Director Of Your Own Life, Chase Your Dreams

Everyone gets stuck in life at some point. However, what’s most important is attitude, perspective and self-motivation to see beyond the moment. That’s definitely easier said than done when a dilemma is staring you in the face, but you are the co-star and director of your own life.  Read on as Life Transitions Strategist Dr. Rhonda Anderson offers her perspective for being positive and staying motivated with a simple and easy technique.  

Self-Motivation: Getting Yourself Mentally Fired Up About Your Dreams                                  by Dr. Rhonda Anderson

Your life today is the result of your attitudes and choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today. – Author Unknown

We all have dreams and goals we are trying to achieve and at times it can become a challenge to move forward. Many times there will be no one around to speak into you or tell you to keep going, and self-motivation will have to become your best friend. Self-motivation is simply defined as being driven and able to do what you need to do without having to be influenced by others. I know from experience and I have had to rely on self-motivation to propel me forward in my endeavors.

At any given time, you are surrounded by people who do not understand what you are trying to achieve or that are really not very supportive of you in the first place. This can be depressing and can weigh you down. For me, being plugged into God and being able to motivate myself has been beneficial when I have experienced loneliness, failure, fear, or just felt like I could not move forward. Today, make a real effort to get a positive mindset, become confident in who you are, develop a hunger for what you want, and stop allowing set-backs to keep you from moving forward.

One of the best ways to change how you mentally think about yourself is adopting positive thinking and writing a personal vision statement. A personal vision statement describes who you are and all of the great qualities you bring to the table. It can be that you write your personal vision statement and place it on the mirror in your bathroom. We are always admiring ourselves in the mirror anyway, now add saying your personal vision statement aloud in the mornings before leaving the house and in the evenings before bed. You can also record your statement on your cell phone and listen to it whenever you need to pump yourself up!

 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Dr. Rhonda Anderson of A Scholar's Touch

Dr. Rhonda Anderson

Dr. Rhonda Anderson is a Life Transitions Strategist and the President/CEO of A Scholars Touch, LLC (AST). Her practice specializes in Life, Education, and Business coaching. AST serves youth (ages 12-21), adults, and entrepreneurs with obtaining success both personally and professionally. Please visit AST on the web at www.ascholarstouch.com. Follow AST on FaceBook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, Instagram, Tumblr, and Google+.

Be Happy in 2015

The first day of the year is always a good place of new beginnings and newfound or renewed commitment towards creating a healthy and prosperous life and being focused on what matters the most in life. That’s why it was no surprise to receive invitations to 1) participate in a bowl burning ceremony and to 2) a dinner celebrating the unity of friendship. While regretfully I was not able to make either event, I was truly appreciative of the thoughts and sentiments.

Image found at http://jasminbalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Burning-Bowl-Ceremony1.jpg

Burning Bowl. Image source: http://jasminbalance.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Burning-Bowl-Ceremony1.jpg

I was familiar with the burning bowl ceremony and believe that I participated in something very similar many years ago. If you are not familiar with the ritual, it is a fire ceremony that can take place indoors or outdoors in a ceramic bowl, fire pit, fireplace, anything that can safely contain the fire. It often takes place on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. The purpose is to release negative thoughts, hurts, resentment, and anger from the past to focus on conscious awareness and clarity of love, life, health and prosperity. The concept is to write down on a piece of paper whatever negative thought that you want to leave in the past and to place the paper into the burning bowl. The symbolization of the activity is the smoke carrying away the negativity into the atmosphere to allow for clarity and awareness for the remaining 364 days. It’s a cleansing or releasing of everything you no longer wish to burden your heart and spirit with.

For many people, the intent is great but when real life challenges hit after the honeymoon of the Christmas holiday season and New Years Day, it’s easy to forget to stay in a place of peace and awareness. And we know that people just want to be happy or otherwise Pharrell’s catchy song, Happy, would not have sold over 12 million copies to become one of the best-selling singles of all times while inspiring videos from all over the world of people dancing in the street and feeling free to just be in the moment to the song.

So beyond the ritualistic moments of the first day of the year, there are some easy and simple ways to remember to stay in or return to the moment daily. The key isn’t necessarily what time of day you do it, but what works best for your schedule. The goal is to just be consistent, conscious and aware on a daily basis, even if only for 5 to 10 minutes. It has to be likened to nourishment like eating or drinking water.

So just commit to ONE thing because most of our lives tend to get full and busy.  So consider one of these if you don’t have ideas of your own.  But  mainly, whatever makes you feel happy and feel good inside.

Prayer…whether it’s reading scripture or speaking aloud your hopes, dreams and desires for the day, prayer is grounding and creates focus.

Meditation…allowing your mind to clear itself devoid of anything and just soak in the moment either silently, with music, or guided. Especially in the spring, I love to lay in the bed really quiet before I arise and just listen to sound of the birds chirping while I contemplate and visualize my day.

Music…inspirational, gospel, kid’s song, feel good, whatever makes you smile and be appreciative for the moment you are in, just hit play and listen to it while showering, getting dressed, driving, exercising or cooking.

Yoga/Exercise…stretching your body and releasing tension and sweating out any negative energy.

Signing onto Happify…a science based-approach to inspire happiness through quick fun-based activities, tools, and skills that can increase happiness on your pc or as in app on your phone.

 

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year With $25,000

PP sweepstakesSo you promised yourself to start the new year on a healthy note.  One way you can do that is by purchasing quality name brand discounted vitamins and herbal supplements from online retailer Puritan’s Pride! Over the years, I have purchased all types of health and beauty products including liquid acidophilus, argan oil, vitamin e oil, essential oils, and crystal deodorant and body spray, to name a few. The products are always discounted with free shipping and are delivered generally within a few days. And as a bonus through January 31, 2015, you can also enter the Puritan’s Pride sweepstakes. Even if you don’t purchase anything, you can enter the sweepstakes by sharing your email address. It’s really that simple, the same way that 2015 should be for you.

Here’s to best wishes for happiness and good health everyday, and especially good luck in the sweepstakes.

Men, Relationships and Masterdating

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Dating has its challenges and becomes even trickier during the holidays. Factor in an awkward lack of dating skills and one could find themselves alone and lonely. With back to back holiday celebrations such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, News Year’s Eve, with Valentine’s Day arriving shortly thereafter, it’s no wonder a single person can feel helplessly hopeless. But then there’s online dating, and that, too can be challenging, especially for someone newly single from a marriage or long term relationship. According to dating industry stats at datingreviewsites.com, men seem to take the biggest hit when meeting someone online because they make 80% of the initial contacts with only 25% response rate. That’s a lot of rejection and pressure if a man is really seeking a serious relationship. It would lead a man (and women) to wonder what he could be doing wrong.

According to relationship expert George Reagan, dating for a man is all perspective, preparation and having a game plan, he shares in his new book Masterdate: The Handy Guide to Internet Dating for Guys. The 150+ page book is a quick read and fun “how to” guide with a lot of practical advice and solid information such as writing a good online profile, tips on how to effectively search online for someone with common goals and interests, how to easily relate to women, writing the first email, and what should happen during your first meeting. George is an excellent, methodical and prolific writer who mastered success in online dating and wants to share his secrets with guys about how easy, fun and rewarding dating can be. I will admit that initially I was turned off by the title “Masterdate” because I thought he was presenting an innocuous sex guide cloaked under the guise of dating tips and would be a tongue-in-cheek dating advice tips. For example, he includes highlighted sections throughout the book called

Relationship Expert and Author George Reagan.  Follow him on Twitter at @masterdate48 and @writerreagan

Follow Relationship Expert and Author George Reagan on Twitter at @masterdate48 and @reaganwriter.

T&A but it’s really his effort to share his exciting Tales/stories and Advice so guys don’t make some of the same mistakes he initially made. I quickly recognized that George is marketing genius for creating imagery, illusion and interest in his book. After all, sex is a major goal for men and successful dating helps them eventually reach their goal, so George speaks their language to keep the interest. But what George has really created in 13 engaging chapters is a no-holds barred honest male perspective on dating that begins with asking men to become their own harsh critic. Any man that is truly serious about getting out of a dating rut or just to begin dating again and finding love, will not want to put this book down. Even as a woman, I found it to be a very insightful look at dating from a male perspective and have recommended it as a resource for men inquiring about love advice.

With 2015 knocking at the back door, what are you waiting for? If you know a man (a sibling, best friend) struggling with the dating scene or new to dating, he may just need a nudge, so here’s a great gift to share this holiday season. After all, everyone deserves #finding4reallove, and Masterdate provides the required knowledge, technique, and advice to effectively prepare them for optimum dating success.

Is There A Right Time To Forgive?

Cristina Bernhardsen | Dreamstime Stock Photos

© Cristina Bernhardsen | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Sometimes we have to accept that everything in life is not supposed to happen as quickly as taking a Selfie and instantly posting it to Instagram, Facebook and Twitter, or better yet, doing a Google Search on “finding easy ways to forgive.”  Just ask anyone still reeling from some type of betrayal; forgiveness can often be much more complicated.

Nonetheless, in a recent Huffington Post article on eight reasons forgiveness is good for your health, the author clearly outlined the spiritual, mental and relational reasons that forgiveness is good for overall wellbeing.  And I must admit, the reality is, the very act of forgiveness IS a good thing because it really is about YOU and not the other person.  Why?  Because it allows for forward movement in one’s life rather than being stuck in a place and time of pain and hurt.

Forgiving can hurt, too

But the problem often with articles on forgiveness is that it appears that the act should occur immediately suggesting that it’s not okay to feel the sting of betrayal or anger from a wrong.  Unless we are talking about some minor trivial infractions, the real truth is the severity of the situation can often dictate the forgiveness factor, and it can just take time, and that IS okay. After all, truly forgiving someone is a psychological and emotional process that is, described by the American Psychological Association, voluntary or intentional, and involves working through emotions such as feelings of betrayal, anger, sadness, hurt, pain, and just simply grieving. To suggest otherwise is challenging a person’s right to experience their own emotional complexities and denying their personal rite of passage into the dark side of real life human nature.

So just when is the right time?

There is no “right” time; no one wants to be or stay mad, angry or hurt. But the best time may be when the individual has the willingness to work through the process.  A lot of forgiveness deals with holding on to the actual act of feeling wronged and not wanting to give a pass to the person.  Ask any psychologist or therapist and they can share how painstakingly prevalent this belief system exists within one’s psyche. However, another Huffington Post author makes an argument against forgiveness and suggests saving it for those who have earned your forgiveness. And that could work, too, if emotionally not forgiving someone doesn’t keep you stuck.  We are all different so there is no magical one size fits all approach through life’s interesting journeys.

How About self-forgiveness instead?

© Yuryz | Dreamstime.com - Forgive Yourself Photo

© Yuryz | Dreamstime.com – Forgive Yourself Photo

However, if a person is really struggling with the when, why, where and how of forgiveness, maybe, just maybe, instead of the focus being on forgiving the other person, try forgiving yourself.  In a 2005 research study by Hall and Fincham, the authors describe aspects of self-forgiveness in a social science context as a show of self-love and respect, and from a psychological perspective as a set of motivational changes to decreasingly avoid feelings toward the offense and retaliate against self, while instead acting benevolently towards self).   Now, major aspects of this study suggest that self-forgiveness is cloaked in a self-perpetuated wrong-doing, but this is not always the case when someone feels legitimately wronged.

Even when you didn’t deserve the wrong treatment, forgive yourself for being blindsided by the other person’s behavior.  While it never feels good, “ish” just happens sometimes to us. When you forgive yourself, you own your emotions and decisions, and that allows you to determine when and how you move on from that moment in time.  Self forgiveness is also cathartic and self empowering because it shows courage and strength of one’s character, as quote-Mahatma-Gandhi-the-weak-can-never-forgive-forgiveness-is-337Mahatma Ghandi eloquently quoted when he said, “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.”

As in any process, self forgiveness will take time, too. But allow yourself that time because as you forgive yourself you also derive equal healthy benefits that enrich your life’s emotional and physical well-being as in forgiving someone else, only without the guilt and resentment of giving someone else a free pass.  You will feel better about yourself, your decision making, and gain the confidence needed to stay in the moment for making the choices that best define your life experiences. And that, my dear, is always the right time.

Love…Date…Relate…

An OnlinLove rocke Radio Talk Show

Join me as I host a relationship talk show called Love, Date and Relate with Ask A Love Goddess, an online relationship advice resource, along with Ms. B, a licensed professional and national board certified counselor, life and relationship coach and author, and Blu.J, a relationship expert with TarotBound.

Recent Broadcasts

To preview recent broadcasts, visit http://www.askalovegoddess.com/love-date-relate-radio-broadcast.html. We are still working out the format and during the show’s pilot phase, we are broadcasting live on Sunday evenings with topic guests and co-hosts and uploading to Blog Talk Radio as well as to the Ask A Love Goddess website.  Eventually, the show will become more interactive and welcome live guests to participate with questions and commentaries.

Engage Audience Participation

In the meantime, if you have questions or topics of interest related to love, dating and relationships, please email them to my attention at divaninawrites@gmail.com for consideration as discussion topics.  As well, we are always seeking interesting love and romance stories to highlight and share on the website.

Follow the Show

Lastly, follow our show on Twitter at @askalovegoddess using the hashtag #finding4reallove, and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/askalovegoddess?ref=hl.

Social Media as a Romance Connector

dreamstimefree_62569While attitudes about online dating being an acceptable way to meet people has grown in popularity because of its ease and convenience, there are still some people who don’t like the trend.  The good news is that’s not the only way to meet people in the 21st century.  But everyone you know is talking about online dating, so what’s a poor lonely person to do if they choose not to participate in online dating, or peruse singles forums and chat rooms?

Get Social Being Social

Dating is really about being social and making connections that may possibly turn into a romance.  The traditional face to face, in person meeting/introduction is still the best choice.  So, you are going to have to disconnect from your cell phone, tablet and whatever other mobile device you are using and get out of the house and become social.

But before you do that, be strategic about your approach to finding a date using technology and social media as your people connector.  Here’s how:

1)      Use your social media network to find out about local events and activities, including free festivals and outdoor park concerts.  If you are on social media, you are following either friends, friends of friends, people you admire, people within a common community, or people you want to get to know. Someone is talking about an event and as summer is winding down, there are still many outdoor activities still to get in, like day parties, which seem to have grown in popularity.  Then there is the sports scene.  Whether sports is your thing or not (because some men, and especially a lot of women are not into sports like that) there’s nothing wrong with checking out the atmosphere for lunch and a drink. There are many upscale bar environments that offer a wide menu selection and a great atmosphere to interact and be social.  Men and women, alike, go to sports bars not just to watch the games, but for the social atmosphere. Or how about trying free salsa lessons and check out the scenery while learning to dance the rumba or merengue.

2)      What’s trending in your industry on Twitter? If you are a career person, then you are more than likely digitally connected either through a professional membership organization or follow someone in the industry.  More than likely, they use social media to promote events, conferences, or social opportunities to connect with like-minded people. As you are staying in the know for business purposes, always look out for social opportunities to meet new and exciting people.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

© Photographerlondon | Dreamstime.com – Romantic Couple Holding Hands In Field Photo

3)      While we’re on Twitter, you can use this tool to professionally connect with someone who follows you or who you follow.  Now this can be tricky because you don’t want to come across as a stalker.  But let’s say they tweet information that is helpful.  You can tweet back or direct message them saying the information was helpful and thank them for sharing. I wouldn’t use this technique too often but you never know how a person will respond and it could possibly lead to a longer tweet conversation. Or not, but at least you are keeping your options open on other ways to meet people.

4)      The longstanding dating belief is that friends are good sources to meet people, so use your handy apps to find out where your friends are hanging out and ask to join them.  This may require thinking outside the box.  Let’s say a group of friends is at the bowling alley but you don’t bowl.  Doesn’t mean you can’t join them and cheer them on while exposing yourself to a new opportunity and new people.  You don’t drink but your friend is hosting a wine and cheese tasting for a worthy cause.  I’m pretty sure they will have more than wine there to drink, so stop in for an hour because again, you never know who may be present.

Leveraging your Social Media ROI

While these suggestions are just spins on traditional dating advice, consider a different perspective. This is about leveraging your return on investment of time spent on social media activity to create opportunities for finding dates in a way that may be more natural to navigate than online dating.  The bottom line is that there are options for meeting people who could be potential dates so don’t force yourself to jump into the sea of online dating profiles and your heart is not into it.  Finding real love is about timing and creating the right opportunities to connect with people.